• Sophie Ward

Day 4 - Over Half Way. NHS Attitudes & Poetry.

'I'm not faking being sick, I am faking being well.'

I know how hard and difficult the NHS have it at the moment. Overworked, overrun and decreased supplies with our ever growing population, people living longer & more exposure to viruses. Though I myself can not afford to be treated by them. No matter what my doctor says.

They only want to treat me now because I have gone out of the area and gone privately. My GP even had the guts to try and slate my professor and accuse him of being someone he isn't. Which is incredibly unprofessional!

They also as we know don't believe Lyme exists and therefore would NOT treat me for it. 

This - many wanted me to give up my treatment here at Breakspear, for this unprofessional, lack of knowledge and ignorant approach to my health problems. 

I was told by my GP that basically I was crazy and not in a place to make a decision over my own treatment. 

They have had years!

And to say; I am crazy and not treat all of my health problems to me was handing me my death certificate. 

Lyme kills. 

But of course it doesn't exist.

They want to treat me by sticking me in a room to rot, call me crazy and leave me. 

On my visit to the GP last week- he didn't assess me probably like he should have - he didn't do the medical checks required only my weight. He didn't assess my virus I had gone for treatment for. Despite Mama and myself explaining Lyme he has already dismissed it. And the way he spoke to me was like I wanted to be ill and it was all me!

Of course because I am 23 and want to be hooked up to tubes, feel like a bus has run over me and I have drunk 17 bottles of wine, aching joints, sickness, difficulty moving, intolerances, brain fog, migraines and the rest!!! Whilst I watch everyone else living life to the full.

It makes me so angry!!!  When everyday I do endless research to try to heal as best as I can !!!

Then!!!! He turned to me and said, 'what can we do for you?'

Hang on!!!

You know that Lyme doesn't exist, you want to treat me, accuse others of carrying out the wrong treatment yet you are asking me what to do? After calling me crazy and saying I am in no right mind to decide what treatment I need!!! 

And they want me to give up the care I am receiving now for the above attitude - you must be joking. 

Breakspear always have an answer and if they don't they do a bloody good job of trying to find one ! They don't need to be told or begged for treatment needs. They come to you and offer you help ! They listen and take the time to go through and assess everything. Ensuring all issues are treated!!

Years ago I lost faith in doctors but here at Breakspear is the only place I feel worthy, listened to and given the correct treatment - QUICKLY.

I know I feel like death! People have to understand I am infected with many deadly, dangerous viruses! Attacking my vital organs, confusing my immune system and can develop into awful diseases such as liver disease, heart disease, Parkinson's, Dementia and cancer. 

I don't have years! I need treatments now. 

So much damage has already been done over the last 9 years and I have lost not only a large chunk of my life to this fight but also myself. 

I know I try to be so positive in my blogs and my life but you have to understand how hard it is. 

And being treated with the attitude above by the the NHS and GP's just crushes me. Ever since I was 13/14 I have just been seen to them as a silly little girl crying for attention. 

Yet, I wasn't dead on the floor so therefore not critical and left out in the cold. Given the crazy girl label!

Please understand - understand the difficulties not only Lyme warriors have to undergo everyday with their pain but being tested and treated. 

13 per cent of people infected with Lyme commit suicide. And that's just from the figures who get tested!

1 out of 4 Lyme sufferers develop Dementia.

25 per cent of Parkinson suffers tested positive for Lyme. 

I want life 

I want Sophie back. 

I , along with my Mama fight every single second of every single day. 

Today I walked in feeling like hell. No sleep and aching beyond belief. Again staff didn't need to be told! They could see how much agony I was in and how much I was struggling. They were straight in added a different more comfortable mattress to my bed and giving me more cushions. For my spine and to ensure I was a comfortable as possible. They got me hooked up quickly & pain relief administered. All within 30 minutes of walking through the door. Can you see the difference here?

No brainer in my eyes. 

Though trying to get this through to others is a challenge! As of course they aren't here to witness it or feel like death as I do. 



Handed me a knife, 

To become strong, 

Along a road that is so long, 

Lies a light,

That may not always shine so bright,

Though it's in sight,

Glowing day and night,

The waves of pain,

Though you are insane,

The struggles you smile through,

Please can I have a slice of life too,

The aches and pain,

Whilst more of your body the parasites gain,

You are ok- just insane,

From what treatment can you gain, 

Sick must I remain,

Left out out in the pouring rain,

Until my coffin appears,

In floods of tears,

Will you listen to me,

Free me or leave me,

One day I will be happy and free,

The fight coming from me,

The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow,

To your awful negative vibes daggers I throw,

A punch in the air,

What you think of me I don't care,

I know my body and mind,

A fighter you will find,

Me - I won't let you pull me down,

On my face a smile not a frown,

On my head place a crown,

For I won't allow myself to drown. 


Pray for tomorrow - over half way now. 

However after today I think I will be returning in the near future for more intolerance testing to see if I can have vaccines to decrease my intolerances!! 

Hello pizza?

Pizza date anyone?

Let's hope and pray. 

Love and peace - more than ever.



#GP #Privatecare #Lyme #Treatment #Health #Body #Attitude #Chronicillness #Chronicpain #Hurt #Crazy #Lymedisease

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