• Sophie Ward

My Ship May Have Some Leaks - But It Won't Sink.


Day four. 

'You can't cross an ocean - without losing sight of the war.'

Exhausted but still fighting. 

Wednesday was one of the hardest days I have faced. This whole week has been such a challenege. 

***

Today I was praying for a better day. Though I knew I needed to target sunflower oil as it's in SO many products - nuts, chips, crisp ( the list goes on.) So to make my life easier when eating out especially I wanted to test it and find an end point for my vaccine.

The symptoms were awful. 

I felt like my chest was caving in, horrendous headache, falling backwards - dizziness, and razor blades down my throat. 

Scary.

Trying to keep calm is so difficult and well emotions flowed.

I managed to keep myself in check emotionally pretty well today. Though I feel low and zapped. 

It's so hard. I can't really explain. You question everything.

What sins have I committed to deserve this pain ?

Who have I wronged?

Who have I hurt?

I guess it's just life though. 

I like to think that the toughest hero's are given the toughest battles to fight. 

That's what gives me motivation to breathe through the pain. 

We finally after 5 hours of constant injections found an end point for sunflower at 18. 

We then moved on to Almonds and Butternut squash - not reaching an end point for butternut squash by the end of the day. So I will continue on with that tomorrow.

***

My bloods came back this morning and due to my liver being inflamed due to all the viruses, infections & with the extra stress on the immune system with testing this week. It is struggling to flush out the baddies and toxins efficiently. 

I was concerned about this.

I didn't want my liver under excess stress  and then the toxins still be sitting in my organs because the liver can't flush them out.  Meaning my health wouldn't be able to improve as much. So asked if I can have the IV liver detoxes. 

My nutritionist & my consultant both agreed my decision and idea for this was the right way to go. So I will only be doing testing in the morning before being hooked up after lunch for my liver detox infusions.

My nutritionist has give me more med's to help my overall help. Magnesium, iron & b12. 

More pills.. 

It already takes me 30 minutes to take all the ones I already have. 

All fun and games - got to make light out of it all. 

***

I am so relieved it is nearly home time. 

It's been the hardest week. It is so hard at times to watch loved ones graduate & living life to the full, whilst you feel numb with pain. 

Numb. 

You want to be out there with them, cheering them on. Creating memories with them and living life for yourself.

When the pain levels are high it is so hard to keep motivated. 

I just have the think about my travel bucket list and the memories I want to make with friends and family.

I can't wait for my nearest and dearest to be able to come down and see the treatment set up for themselves and the beautiful people & nurses. Being the extra cheerleaders when I am going through the darkest times. 

***

People who make history don't have an easy road & I hope to leave my footprint on the world. 

So I hope I help, inspire & raise as much awareness as I possibly can. 

Keep strong warriors.

S

Xoxo

Trying to joke around ! Lighten the mood! 

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