Facing Reality & Learning Life Lessons - Self Love.
When pain levels are high or heightened and your body feels like it is failing you leading you to become best friends with your bed and sofa. Its not just a difficult reality to come to terms with but it also affects your mental state.
That's a given and totally expected.
A fellow BS patient posted a lovely quote this morning that said,
'You owe yourself the love you give so freely to others'
This has really touched me.
I would for anyone I care for do anything & give them the world if I could. I would & do all I can for them.
Yes, a few of my nearest and dearest appreciate my love and return it.
However, many become reluctant and take, take, take.
Me being me. As many will also have the same mind set of continuing your kindness despite being drained of the love you offer.
Not only is this draining but you forget about yourself.
Where's your love?
Not only are you not getting what you deserve in return but you are giving so much out that you don't have any left for yourself.
Chronic illness has many, so many disadvantages. As I always say though we have to make the negatives into positives - wherever possible.
We go through hell and back!
But my God does being poorly teach us lessons we might never have learnt, encourages us to gain more knowledge and draws us to become more in touch and question ourselves.
We have to alter and adapt so much of our lives due to illness that these hard hitting lessons are also so difficult to get our heads around on top of everything else.
Being bedridden & having to rely more and more on a wheelchair is throwing a lot into touch for me.
I never thought I would be in the situation I am currently.
I never thought about the way I was being treated / treated myself.
All these lessons sometimes are a little bit of proof that maybe we are put on these paths to encourage us to learn and blossom by fate.
There will always be people who are 'takers' and will try and take from you what they can and then discard you when you are nolonger giving them what they believe you should be. They will be unsupportive of your illness and will not want to deal with you or the situation.
This is difficult to accept at times. That the people you have invested so much time, love and care into just drop you when you nolonger serve them a purpose. However we must see light of this that they aren't worthy of your friendship, love and kindness.
The energy you used on caring for them you should direct elsewhere!
People who know me well, will know everyone else is on the same list before myself. I am lucky enough to have many close friends and family member whom I adore but that also means the list is a long one and I am drained of love once I have given and shared all I have out.
I would never not share and give my loved ones the love they deserve. And they know I am ALWAYS here for them.
It's learning that cut off point and saving some love for yourself.
Energy can be restored and your loved ones and true friends will understand you can't always give your whole self like you wish to some days.
These are the people who matter and they will totally understand you giving yourself some love.
Love makes the world go around.
It's a drug and a healing medicine.
Medicine chronically ill as well as us all need a regular dose to help our healing process.
Friendships, family and health is what makes you very rich.
Money means nothing, false, selfish ways won't allow you to feel real love.
So Sophie how do you give yourself love?
It's a process and a lesson I am still learning and understanding.
I am beginning to give and channel my energy to those who appreciate it & give it back. So true friends and family. People who take their precious time to write to me, comment and check in with me.
Whilst people who fail to be supportive or expect more from me than they are willing to give to the relationship. I have to accept, smile and walk away politely.
You are fighting the toughest battle as it is. Without having to deal with dramas, selfish ways and lack of support. This is only going to upset you further and your mood is already extremely compromised. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, are your cheerleaders, show you love and support when it's most needed.
It's hard not to shed a tear or two when the people you thought you were closest to walk away or don't support you.
But, just look around and look at the love you are being shown. They are the people who truly matter and you have to see it as this dark, horrible time brings issues to your attention that may not have been raised before.
Becoming extremely poorly means you are forced to stop! Forced to adapt to you situtation where bloody hell you do deserve some love and rest.
As you have been battling for so long! Helping others and just getting by. It's exhausting.
Your body isn't just failing you - but emotionally you have burnt out.
You! You, are the one who has suffered. Your inner soul taking a battering & taking on the hurt.
You have served your time.
It's time for you to heal the soul, re-charge with love & joy.
I am not saying go to the mirror and say 'I am hot stuff!' No, it's not all about outer beauty. I am saying take some me time. Do something you enjoy. You may have been expected to go to some birthday drinks. Though you are feeling very poorly and if the person was in your shoes would they push themselves to go? So take the time to go to bed early, watch a film you love. That's just putting you first for once.
If they are someone who would push through and go to an event for you, then you need to try and go if, IF you can. Again if they are family or true friends they will understand you are really poorly and not just being awkward or making excuses.
It's just about not pushing when you can't and deep down you know you can't push through. I always used to push, push.
If we are honest it's a form of punishment. This needs to be replaced with love.
When we are at our worst we face reality, frankly.
Not only does the bacteria try to destroy us but so do outside sources that we never really knew were effecting our health physically and mentally.
Self love is the hardest practise.
Especially for me.
I am not saying I am Mother Mary or anything but I pride myself on always showing kindness.
This is often taken for granted and I take blame for it being thrown back in my face. So it's learning the compromise and the right balance.
I will still practise kindness and will always be the best person I can!
But I need to save some energy for myself and stop giving where hurt is occuring.
This for sure will help in the healing process.
I'm waiting at the station and boarding the self love train.
Allowing me to keep moving forward, learning and more.
Always dig deep within.
Love and peace