Home Is Calling
The end is near..
We are in the closing stages of the holiday and the perfect time to reflect and look on to what lies ahead.
This holiday has somewhat being a bit of a roller coaster ride both physically and emotionally.
There have been tears, pain and lots of laughter.
The rest - even if we haven’t fully switched off, was needed by all of us so very desperately.
At this point in the holiday, like when we used to go back to school, I would be struck with fear. Pure fear of leaving a comfort paradise for the unknown.. a new year, a new chapter of which we had no previous insight of what was to come. I always knew no matter what, I would deal with whatever came my way but always a worrier it’s a hard habit to break.
Now.. something is different. I don’t fear getting on the plane and not knowing what lies ahead until next summer. I am not worrying about pain and sadness being too much for me to handle. I’ve faced my fair share and at this point in time am very thankful of that. My life, I have learnt the hard way, will not be fixed by a summer break, an escape. The key isn’t to look for a fix but to embrace the experience we are going through.
People who matter will always be around to support you. People will enlighten your life, decorate your days and also teach you deep lessons. Life, will offer experiences that will test you both mentally and physically and memories will come throughout the hours that make up your day. You don’t need to be in a certain place or time to make memories and special moments.
Leaving here and ‘moving on’ is not to be feared.
I have a major problem with letting go, feeling as if I can’t possibly handle anymore loss.
I must not see it as my loss - everything I do and give is 200 per cent, losses and failures are lessons and the majority of loss we can’t control. Others are the losers for not appreciating and caring. I gave it my all and that’s all I can ever ask of myself.
We have to keep hope in fate.
Luckily, I do have a lot to do once I am back home and so I am eager to get those tasks done so they aren’t weighing on my mind.
After that .. who knows. I just know more things will arise and we will deal with them as they come.
Life hasn’t gone to plan so far so what difference will it make now? There is no point ( like I always do) putting pressure on things.
Like my Mum said - when you find the strength to accept and make peace with situtations your given great gifts and surprises you didn’t expect.
My mind isn’t always my friend and in many ways I wish I could switch it off..
Just let things wash over me like the ocean and take things with a pinch of salt. Never overthinking and over-analysing.
Even now. I sit here.. thinking, worrying about the plane journey - simply getting there and hacking all the airport faff. It sounds so simple but at airports you need to be functioning and have your wits about you. So many people, bags, queues and check points. Why am I worrying.. I guess because I feel pain today and know it would be a struggle — I don’t want that for tomorrow.
I don’t know, like I never do if my body will be my friend or foe.. so why am I getting worked up?
My mind needs silencing.
Life and happiness can’t be defined by one season, one destination or place.
Its a continuation of experiences .. an ongoing journey.
Hillside is paradise and my heaven on Earth. It’s been a place of fabulous and my favourite memories but we, we are the ones that build our own paradise - with the people we love, the places we enjoy and the moments we cherish. Hillside is just a part of th jigsaw puzzle. We must explore the other pieces of the puzzle to paint the full masterpiece.
My holiday wasn’t as straightforward as I thought it would be. But then, that’s life. I needed this wake up call to realise a lot of things and learn more about life as well as myself.
The journey doesn’t end here, it’s just a chapter of the story.