• Sophie Ward

When Life Tests You.


We are all so grateful and thankful for the lives we lead, the people we surround ourselves with, the adventures we experience and the memories we cherish. 

We are all human however, and have days when we simply can’t help but feel overwhelmed, exhausted and emotional. 

Symptoms become too much to handle and keeping up with life is a challenge in itself. My life is never quiet and I like that. I can’t sit still but at the same I can’t balance everything. I am very guilty of filling up my days and making myself busy to distract myself from the physical and emotional pain.

We all know what I mean by physical pain: the symptoms that are a pain in the bum, always changing and hard to keep under control. 

Emotional pain is often more difficult to explain and understand. It’s a pain, many of us really deny feeling. We are embarrassed and ashamed about not being happy, smiley and satisfied because in so many ways we are so blessed and lucky! So what do we have to be upset about.. 

When life does begin to get too much.. 

Feelings we have suppressed do just all of a sudden boil over. Anything! Anything! Can trigger an explosion of physical and emotional pain. 

Whether it’s watching friends enjoy the sun, when you are in the shade, or someone eating pizza when you nibble on your broccoli. ( don’t get me wrong, I love my veggies) but I miss life.. I miss the ease, the freedom. The painless days. 

Building relationships is never straight forward and so I shy away from them, in many ways. Fearing rejection and feeling ashamed of my health. But many people are so very lucky to enjoy love and find their soul mates. 

I’ve overcome a lot to be so open about my journey and it is slowly helping me to be simple and honest to people who come into my life, hoping if they walk they walk before my heart gives its all to them and I give myself to them but praying they don’t. 

You look around.. 

everyone enjoying and living life with ease. Sharing love, managing hectic schedules and making the most of their time.

I don’t want to live with regrets, yet I have many. Not always through my own choice. I regret not pushing myself more... but sometimes it’s not possible. I regret not trying with people, but then would I have gotten hurt more?

Who knows.

You find yourself just sitting in silence.. overwhelmed with pain. From all angles and unable to find or know an escape route. 

Sometimes we need to have time where we aren’t always ‘on it’, to face plant the bed, to cry, grieve and mourn. 

So then we can bounce back and have stronger weapons.

It’s just during this time that it’s hard — I will always try to be my best.. get myself up, motivated, smiley, proactive. 

We all have these days and they are daunting and intimidating, we don’t know what lies ahead for us, more pain and loneliness or relief and happiness. We hope and work for the latter. But at just 24 knowing years ahead.. I don’t want this pain. 

I don’t purposely go out to be upset and maybe be closed. I do this to protect others because I value them more .. 

It’s difficult to accept or look forward when many parts of your jigsaw seem to be missing and all seems so much. 

So today... is a cry and wipe away the tears. Our minds too full to balance our physical pain and our life schedule — the emotional strains are being uncovered as the physical and schedules get to much. 

As we hope and pray we can make it through the day.. and cope with life. 

S

XoxoxYou 

#chronicillness

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