A BIG Thank You!
I hope the secret was a good one to have kept and believe me it was super DUPER tough to keep. I am looking forward to the future and as always I am trying to keep busy and keep focusing on how and what I can do better and improve to help people.
It could be a rollercoaster week ah
ead, I guess that is the fun with chronic illness. It always leaves you guessing and it always wants to surprise you. Nothing can really ever be planned because your health is so unpredictable.
I have hospital appointments, as well as appearing on BBC radio Lancashire with Gilly about my book and upcoming fundraisers on Thursday and trying to organise myself for our fundraising events that we will be hosting this year. My hospital appointments are a worry to me -- my health is not good and I am clinging on to faith for dear life. I don't always show my upset or how frightened I am by it all, but believe me it isn't easy to keep it all together. I will just have to hold on and wait and see if I can improve my current health with whatever the consultant can advise.
Personally, I would like to take the time to thank you all for accepting and being so supportive about yesterday's news. I was so nervous because I had worked alone on this product and like any human being, I doubt myself. I spent hours and hours, days and months working out the best way to make the most of this project. You only get one clear shot at these things. So the pressure was on. It was really was on, and the nerves did hit me hard. So it was a relief when I was finally able to share the secret with you.
It has been a hard project for me. As it hasn't all be rainbows and sunshine and I wanted to portray that. I am good at showcasing my successes and my work but it is often 100000x harder to showcase your struggles and it doesn't mean I don't have them. As stated above my weeks, just like my health are unpredictable. They don't make sense and rarely add up. You can be in tears one moment and walking around in front of a microphone the next. My book shows how badly my health has affected my life and how it has turned my world upside down but it also shows the massive successes and the bonuses it has brought to my life. It is one thing writing with tears staining your face from the hurt but then trying to spin the negatives into positives to inspire others to do the same. That form of therapy is the best and priceless to me. Knowing I have to keep positive so that others will be motivated to do the same is a massive deal. Encourages me to pull myself together. It encourages me to be strong even when I really don't want to be.
Fate is a funny thing, often it can be cruel and maybe my recent health issues is a warning alarm from fate to wake me up and take action. I still worry about the future everyday and often miss what is going on in the present time. I don't know what lies ahead, nobody does and maybe that is what I am currently learning that I have to make NOW count. NOW is important, the future I will have to pan out when it becomes the present. My health is so scary to me that maybe it has made me press down on the 'gas' and go full steam ahead. Not sit on ideas, not wait for tomorrow as I have done previously. I have to listen to my heart and TRUST it. If I don't feed my heart and soul with what it is craving then how can expect a healthy mind or a positive outlook on life. There will always be judgements and I am learning over time that there is NEVER a right time, there is never a clear cut answer. Like happiness, it is all a journey with no direct destination. We learn on the job. We have to face the consequences but remember this is our life and we have to make it sparkle in the way we want to.
I have many regrets because of risks and ventures I never took and living with those regrets is vey difficult because I can't buy time back. However, the lessons learnt have motivated me not to allow this to become a reoccurring trend. I am not one to settle, or someone who lacks ambition. I can't sit still for a minute and more than ever I am motivated to do all I can to leave good, strong, positive footprints on the Earth's soil.
Last year had so many highs and a few real lows. It was a massive learning curb for me, in so many ways. I began having more confidence in myself and my abilities. I began realising that law of attraction is not a myth but a reality. Being negative just brings darkness into a life that is dark enough. We have to brighten the days, create that light and make a life worth living as well as worth remembering. We can't stop tragedy - how ever hard we try. Fate can strike us at anytime with painful cards to deal with. Focusing on the good and the light, somehow helps the us picture life in a whole new way. Mentally and emotionally we learn to welcome grieve and sadness rather than fight it. Which in turn helps the grieving period pass quicker and we bounce back with a better frame of mind. We have to celebrate our strengths and use them to the best of our abilities.
It is hard to find encouragement when you feel so lost, believe me I am still very lost and have my days. I have just taught myself to enjoy the little sparks in life. The ones I would always dismiss and discount as given. We have to work for everything and sometimes what used to be our 'norms' because damaging to us or they can no longer be practised. So if it is a simple mug of coffee, or a hug from a loved one. We have to treat it all as the best gifts we can possibly ask for. This frame of mind really does help brighten our outlook and helps us find the strength to battle through our days.
2019 had a rocky start, but I am not allowing it to shade what I hope to make a sparkling year. I am fully aware of the rollercoaster ride it will be and the highs and lows which lie ahead and I can't prepare myself for them, nobody can. I just have to focus on being the best person I can be, helping as many people as I possibly can and then I know in my heart of hearts there was nothing more I could have done or have expected of myself.
I am so pleased and proud to have you all on this journey with me. I only hope I can fill you all with the same level of encouragement you all give me.
Let's hope we have the power to keep sprinkling the sparkle, driving change, empowering and inspiring lives as well as saving them.