'When you are going through hell, keep going.' ~ Winston Churchill.
My arm is literally wanting to drop off, so bare with me.
This week is turning out to be one hell of an emotional rollercoaster. If the infusions weren't draining enough then the emotions are truly testing me.
Walking in this morning, we were once again greeted by friendly, lovely staff and shown to my room with my blankets and a hot water bottle at the ready.
We then got to speak to the chefs about my food as I didn't know with yesterday being the first day that we could pre-order lunch and they cater to whatever you fancy. So that was good, got so much rice, soy sauce & sweet potato stir fry. It did defeat me I was feeling quiet dizzy and sick but I did eat most of it and I greatly appreciated their efforts.
The nutritionist then came in and booked me in for a appointment for tomorrow with him after chatting with us for half and hour or so and we were xplaining how let down we had been in the past.
He then also offered nutritional infusions to help me, which I started almost immediately- no waiting for months on end. Again like all at Breakspear, I was listened to as a human being and a person not dismissed.
We had some tears telling the story and how really I wish I could just clap my hands but I was thankful for their help and that in their own time and under their own will they have wanted to help.
Mama and I had a good laugh with the nurse about me being positive and getting me back. Which is lovely they can be like that and motivate you. Again spending the time to hold your hand, have a chat and a cry. Time & support! You really don't get that anymore.
The days are long and hard. Extremely draining. I don't do well with four walls and being unable to move around. This can make me tearful - I just want life back. Not to be sat in a bed all day with tubes in my arms. But what has to be done has to done. Along with the boredom you are too brain fogged, dizzy, exhausted, nauseous and achey to do anything. I tolerated colouring for about an hour before having to give up.. I couldn't tell if I was in the lines or not at that point. But I can't stand screens for too long and T.V is more of a background noise.
My arm was also giving up on me after 6 infusions today. It was slowly going in and sneakily kept stopping on me.
God it ached like crazy- all my joints were on fire! I couldn't wait to get it out.
It was relieving to get some fresh air at 5pm. See the sun and feel an atmosphere. We are now planning where to go for dinner as I need somewhere with a atmosphere and life - I need to see life, I love nothing more than seeing people enjoy themselves and hope that for myself one day. However I really don't feel that up to going out but I know staying in and just eating in the hotel will make me even more bat-crazy! We can't have that.
After tomorrow we are passed half way- YAY!
Trying the laugh through the tears - and fight on. Energy is depleteing but that never effects the inner flame that burns within.
I think the quote of today was;
Mama bear 🐻 true legend she is, after being offered lunch at Breakspear saying, 'I am ok thank you , I like my McDonald's, ' whilst being sat in front of the nutritionist! No shame.
You need her for the entertainment.
Thank you all again for you lovely messages and kind comments. I apologise if I don't get back immediately, I am struggling with brain fog - badly. My blogs take me a while! Focusing on screens is difficult. I appreciate them all SO much though! Truly, thank you.
Pray for tomorrow.
Love and peace to you all.
More than ever.
Feeling sluggish and rubbish when you have woken up? Get boosting up on bananas the more the better - they will help settle your stomach, boosting digestion, they are a mood enhancer, they will give you the energy you need and keep you full. Buy my book for banana receipe ideas.
Wake up every morning and ATLEAST have one glass of lemon water before doing anything else! Ideally try to drink a litre of water. The lemon wakes up your digestive system ready for the day and has great cleansing properties.
Check your dairy and meat intake - dairy can sit in your system for up to seven days unable to digest properly. Meaning other foods also get neglected and nurtients aren't absorbed properly and you feel extremely bloated. Go and smell your food bin, your stomach will be in that state. Rotting foods in your belly - hmm nice.
DO NOT FEAR CARBS - THEY ARE NOT THE ENEMY! CARB UP!!
Bananas, Rice, Potatoes, Leafy Greens, Corn, Beans, Lentils etc PACK THEM IN GO MAD.
NEVER COUNT CALORIES - NEVER RESTRICT!! These restriction 'starvation' diets who tell you to only eat 500 calories a day then have a treat day - where you binge out and eat WAY too much, is simply messing up your metabolism and on your binge days yours body stores all the fat meaning you gain weight because it knows it is going to go back into starvation mode and needs to hold onto every little thing it can. HELLO WEIGHT GAIN.
Life is too short not to live it to the full, making yourself happy.