'She is a butterfly 🦋 with broken wings and bleeding feathers but she still flies - she still flies.'
Finally, 3 and a half hours unbroken sleep. Yes, welcome to my life. A few hours decent sleep is exciting to me. However as many of you will have experienced when you have a deep sleep after so long you feel more exhausted the next day. I feel this today.
Unfortunately, I had quite a lot to do as well. So it's been a slow & busy day, just working through things at my pace. Trying to keep stress levels low.
We have the caravan show tomorrow and for months and months I have looked forward to this event. I enjoy learning about new products, new laws that are up and coming & of course being in the company of truly amazing, inspiring people. I simply so enjoy their company and conversations.
I love talking about life, travel and business more than silly dramas that take up most of people's main conversation topics these days. I feel you can learn so much and be truly inspired by people and their stories. I love it.
Though and my family are concerned I am not really up to going with being so zapped after last week and all that's going on. You all know me though !!! I refuse to sit in bed and lose more of my life. This all won't defeat me. I can't let it keep taking from me, I enjoy life's pleasures too.
So yes, packing today has been a little stressful & picking what to wear, all my medications & generally getting everything sorted has wiped me out. You never realise especially with the extra stresses ( not just throwing something in a bag - is it comfortable, do I have enough med's, do I look 'ok' in those clothes, are they easy and warm). So much energy just thinking is used and stressing over ensuring I have everything that I need. I can't afford to forget medications or not have warm clothing.
People really take the pleasure of going with the flow for granted.
Anyway - after a two hour undertaking that would probably take the normal person a quick half and hour I am pretty much sorted.
On top of this it was hair washing day. Now you are thinking jeeze this is a simple task. It is! However chronic pains does not make it easy. My energy is zapped super quickly. Lifting my arms, bending down, holding the hair dryer - aching body, aching arms and general fatigue leads this task daunting. Already feeling half dead this morning I knew I had to pull myself together. When you suffer with chronic illnesses you have to take minute by minute as it comes and plan ALL the time ( hence why we can't just go for the flow ). I knew I was struggling this morning and that it would be silly of me to try and have a shower as soon as waking up. So I went downstairs made a green tea, journaled and had breakfast. Just relaxing and gaining so energy before facing the to-do list. It is then important to try to pace yourself.
So have a chilled moment, then do a task, have a chill etc.
Today, I am quite proud of my planning;
- I chilled, ate and journalled. Doing my morning med's.
-Showered and put a load of washing in.
-Mindful coloured for the Lyme UK art book.
-Made lunch. Whilst the oven was on began getting clothes to pack out.
-Sat for 20minutes just catching up on some TV.
-Packed and ironed.
-Sat and had my snack and did some gift shopping, waiting for Mama bear.
-Girl time with Mama.
-Dinner time and cinema snack prep. Night med's.
-Clothes ready for tomorrow, bed med's and BED.
Looking above doesn't look like a busy or tiring day. Yet it is for me and I have to accept that. I do well to get out of bed. The fact I run my house, my blogs, cook, clean, wash and well generally live - I should be proud of myself. Yet this is a point I am yet to reach. I always want to be doing / expecting myself to be doing more.
I know my fam don't really want me to go tomorrow but Mama especially knows I can't sit still and how easily my mood drops when I feel I am not living life to the best I can. I have agreed to take the things steady, pace and do more sitting, resting and listening than walking and talking.Just being there is a massive achievement for me physically and mentally so I have to accept some of my limitations and as always make the best of them. Turning negatives into positives - always.
Don't let your mind tell you, you can't or don't deserve anything. You are doing the best you can to keep going and living and do a hell of a better job than others would so in your situation. With us just getting out of bed and being prepared to kick ass today is amazing.
I know some people physically can't and I am so, so, SO lucky that I can still do, take part and live life the way I can. However when people are lazy and create excuses not to life that upsets me and angers me! As they should be cherishing the every second because we never know when our circumstances may change.
So that holiday you have wanted to book - book it!
Your sister you want to have lunch with - organise it!!
Don't wait around. Life is short, life is bloody hard and it always has exciting but also tragic surprises for us - all the time. We have to enjoy, learn, love and make the best of them.
Unfortunately I am not superwoman and I can't like my Mama ( my true hero ). Run around, doing a million and one jobs, being the boss woman she is and the greatest Mama in the world. But I am doing what I can - planning and being sensible, always sharing kindness & keeping a kind heart, using my manners and listening to people, helping people, running my house, my blogs and cooking and fighting my pain. I have the appreciate that is enough and I am doing a good job, and to be less hard on myself!
Jeeeeeeze now that's a challenege.
I hope if any of you are suffering from chronic illnesses, chronic pain, mental illnesses or you may have judged someone suffering before that this blog highlights the difficulties we face daily. How our lives are straight forward, going with the flow and working on last minute plans. We have to plan, make sure we have med's, rest, pace and work things out. And that our busy days may be a normal day to you but we are zapped and to accept that we may be a little more stressed, tired, pain levels may be heightened and plans may have to change.
We aren't being awkward just doing the best we can!
And for sufferers !
You are hero's, warriors and fighters.
We should all be giving ourselves a pat on the back.
We are rockin' it!
Any questions or advice -reach out.
Love and peace