'Finding calm amongst the chaos. '
'When it rains ☔️ - look for rainbows 🌈, when it's dark - search for the stars ✨ .'
Waking up in pain, the panic of a busy day can be overwhelming.
Medications, getting dressed, heavy doors and moving are just the beginning of the daily struggle.
It's lovely being here and being around amazing people.
The lovely people, comments and conversations. Just fill my heart. They raise my mood so much.
And I am so thankful for that. We can have interesting coversations and shows you, you can still live life to the best of your abilities. Yes, it's far from easy but why bow down and miss out completely?
I know you can say - I am aching and struggling, and because you have a smile on your face, standing and talking. People think the aching isn't that bad - but believe me. It's crippling. The struggle to stand and smile. It takes a lot. Its exhausting. Sometimes it's difficult that people don't fully understand but if I am giving off the ill but not deadly ill vibe this allows them to think I am ok. It's got to the point now that I do have to say I can't carry on anymore, I need to go back and I need to rest. Rather than carrying on.
I didn't want to have a wheelchair whilst being at the show. As I enjoy walking and again another thing taken from me. Though waking up this morning I wished I had, of had a wheelchair. Never have I felt this way.
It's upsetting me but a part of me I think is slowly accepting my body's pains a bit more, and my work on staying positive and practising gratitude. Has let me be a bit more flexible with my pain, accepting of it and more open to compromise. As clinging onto living means so much to me.
Nobody is superwoman.
I am the strongest mentally and physically but I do the best I can.
Pacing is an important lesson to learn with chronic illness & pain. Especially coming from an athlete's background this is difficult to work with it. Yes you can't run around, be at a show for eight hours a day but they couldn't cope with making conversation with crippling migraines, lifting your arms and walking whilst been taken over by aches feeling sick trying to just keep moving. So give yourself some praise.
We expect so much of ourselves but everyone else can see we are doing very well considering and don't expect anything from us.
We need to learn this.
Keep hope and passion burning within.
Have a blessed weekend.
Now to enjoy great company 🍷🍚, a trusty bowl of rice & a drink or two.
'You've got this girl.'