Home sweet home.
Boy was I pleased to roll up outside my house this afternoon.
Often coming back here after being away is a sad reality. A reality that an adventure or travel trip has drawn to a close and normality is now what you come home to.
This time it was feelings of relief that I felt. It's been the toughest week. Mama and I made sure I was able to pick up some wheat, gluten, egg & dairy free chocolate & nuts so that I was stocked up ready for a Saturday night of love island and comfort eating binge. Top Saturday night if you ask me.
I was then so overjoyed to see my friend Natalie, last minute arrangements for a drink in the sun. The sun I haven't seen or been up to seeing through the past week. It was just truly lovely to have some girlie chats and come back to a little bit of reality just for an hour you can shut off from what medication you need to take, have you done all your vaccines, what medication do you have to take with what meal. And just enjoy life conversations. Time flew by and this is why this is a little late today.
I am aching like crazy, my whole body is burning and my liver is NOT a happy chappy. Popping all the time - trying to break down all the toxins.
It's the hardest to stay sane at times and keep upbeat. Though hearing people say that I do well on this front really does fill me with relief. I often feel zombified and feel I give off that vibe and the don't talk to her vibe. I am just struggling, struggling to function and cope with all the pain that is going on within my body. My body that used to bounce back, push through when I wanted to. Now I am pushing against a brick wall it seems. It doesn't mean I am not the kind person I aim to be and that I don't want to see, talk or laugh with you. I would love nothing more but it something that on some days are more challeneging.
You all know, I love nothing more that watching life, watching people laugh & enjoy themselves. That's why I love hanging out with my family and close friends. They are such fun but also understand if I am not really in the midst of conversation that it's not because I don't want to be a part of the event but that I am leaving it to them to talk, laugh and bring the fun. I am just having a little rest. Which they understand and step up to the mark always giving me something to laugh about and cheer me up. These times I crave. I crave them because they show me why I fight for life. I want these memories, I cherish these people. We never know what is round the corner for us. We really, really do have to live for today and soak up every moment we have. Enjoying them with our most loved, surrounded by love and enjoy all pleasures that are presented to us.
Throughout the week I faced times - many if I am truthful that I strongly believed I would not be able to find the strength to make it into clinic, to take another injection which would cause symptoms to be triggered, keep testing challenging foods when the nurses were encouraging me to go easier on the testing and myself.
But I never let myself down. I was always there in clinic on time of course and continued through the hard foods determined to find an end point so that I could eat them once again.
Although being lucky enough to find end points on wheat, eggs, yeast and sunflower oil that will help towards my pizza and chips the end points are very high and therefore unstable. So symptoms may still arise. Unfortunately I was unable to find end points for cheese & lactose which knocked my mood a lot!! All the pain I had gone through on that day to have not being able to reach the finish line is soul destroying and frankly exhausting.
Mama and I both need medals for the trials we have faced this week.
Always I feel being showing inner strength and fighting the toughest wars not just the little battles. We could have taken the easy route but there are no short cuts in life and we ( me especially ) want the best results & improvements to my health and life as I possibly can get. So to get the things worthwhile we have to put in the hard work. Which is what was the aim here.
I may not have got all the results I wanted and needed for the ultimate end goal - the pizza. I am though a huge leap closer. Definitely a vegan pizza will be on the cards soon which really warms my heart.
The emotional hardships, the pain, the discomfort and physical hardships will in the end pay off.
There is a reason,
A reason I have been directed on this path. The fog may not have fully cleared yet. To know why you were placed here or why you are fighting these battles but all I know is there must be a reason.
And as I always do, I will give 100 per cent to the cause I will be given & shown the rewards which will show me why I had to go through the suffering and hardships I have faced.
It's just important to enjoy all I can, rest, fight hard & try to keep my face turned towards the sun ☀️ not the darkness.
Thank you for keeping up with this treatment chapter.
And when returning in 9 days time, I am sure I will know even more.
Have a blessed weekend.
Enjoy family and friends - cherishing every moment.
Love and peace