The London story - the place many believe their dreams can come and is the place we enjoy as our capital city.
On going to London I was filled with hope- although feeling less than on top form. I was ready - ready for my behind the scenes work to come to light.
I knew it was the full moon and had been feeling doubly rough in the days prior to departure.
Yet I was determined for nothing to dampen my vibe.
Tuesday, was a long day. Getting up at 6.15am to be packed up and ready for our early train.
We didn’t have a rush around day.. just the length I think hit us all.
We had a leisurely afternoon enjoying the film The Post & then on to dinner and drinks in central London. You never realise how long these nights are and when you are in a big group you often even more so - lose track of time. We also always end up eating so late because they can’t cater to such a large group over their busiest hours.
As always dietary requirements are rarely taken seriously and we often have many issues.
Luckily the night was a good night, we were back for 1am and it’s far to say I was so tired.
Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday. I should have known by not sleeping well that today would be beyond a struggle. My whole body throbbed and I was getting sharp pain everywhere. I felt sick and exhausted.
We enjoyed a quiet morning, living in our dream bubble in Harrods, before seeing my amazing friend Jacob for tea in Harrods.
I was emotional already and when I received the upsetting news that Michelle nor Ben were able to attend the conference due to bills being passed in Parliament- my whole world felt like it was crumbling around me. I held it together the best I could. I’d worked so hard and this was my gig. Nobody could take this away from me.. put apparently Government could. I fully understand and the situation couldn’t be helped as MPs run hectic and unpredictable lives. It was nothing against me or something I should take personally. With chronic illness however when you find it difficult to find purpose and worth in life it was a heart breaking blow.
Seeing Jacob helped raise my mood- though I was emotionally battered and physically drained.
So I sat and listened to the conversation. Rather than speaking a lot. I seem to do a lot more of that these days.
We then travelled to The Savoy theatre to watch Dream Girls which was amazing. I really, really enjoyed it. To finally arrive back at the hotel. There was no real prep in regards to make up and outfits. I was just so tired and was throbbing I needed an hour’s rest otherwise the evening was going to be hard.
The evening was again, awesome. We drank and dined up the Oxo tower. It was a great evening but only getting main courses at 10.30pm meant we were past hungry and just tired.
Again another 1am evening.
Conference day, Thursday. Again the aches continued. My chest & head pain was bad and my joints were throbbing. All the carbohydrates & sugars weren’t giving me the energy I needed to keep fighting through the day. My mood was all over and my battery life was flashing red before my eyes.
It’s fair to say that not only did I feel naff in regards to the MPs situtation but I was struggling to fight through the day.
Everyone comes up to you and says how much better you look and must be. They don’t think that actually I am probably more poorly than I was the last time they saw me.
Last year I did 4 nights & days at the Manchester show and 3 full days of conference and 3 nights last year.
This year I managed just - Two nights at Manchester and four hours at the show and only 3 hours at conference.
It’s extremely confidence knocking and often more depressing. You look better so why aren’t you better?
Anyway - with some persuasion I took the more sensible option of returning to the hotel and resting for three hours, rather than continuing to push.
Again.. that evening I struggled. I love and adore being out with the people within the industry. It’s good conversations, awesome company, relaxed meals. No drama, clubbing or drunken fights.
I can relate far better and I feel more at home in their presence.
On my journey however everytime we all meet up, I am finding it harder and harder to make conversation, keep up with the long evenings and am always feeling paranoid over if I have said something stupid and made myself look like a tool. I don’t feel as sharp, witty or even interesting anymore.
That’s hard to come to terms with.
We have said this many times before. We are taught to love ourselves and feel comfortable in our own skin.
That, with chronic illness is far more difficult than for the normal person.
You are losing your mind, the control over your body... what’s to love about you. You begin to wonder?
Not only that..
You realise that many of the people within the industry, husbands & wives are great teams.
I would always hope to have the same with someone but could never be so cruel to have them sign their lives away on the dotted line to hospitals, illness & unpredictable health ups and downs. I don’t even, really see it in my future much anymore. I wouldn’t want to cause extra pain and in this day and age many people wouldn’t see past the sick girl label. It’s rather uncool.
Friday, home time. I never, ever used to be ready for home when I went on my travel adventures. No matter where I was, somehow it was better than been stuck back at home. These days we have turned 360!
I am always ready for home. Back to my food, my bed, my comfort ( 10 mattresses & silly amounts of pillows. ) Back to a place where there is comfort and ease in a world that has become an endless struggle and fight. We never get relief but having some comforts sometimes feels like you have won the lottery.
The train was long.. you all know and understand how travel of any sort, just keep getting harder. My joints just stiffen up and the agony of getting them going again can bring me to tears.
On getting home - as always I have being wizzing off emails, replying to important emails and I really wanted to create a post today.
I have felt a little low to say the least and you all know, blogging gives me meaning and a purpose. Many will have been watching my stories over the last few days and hopefully enjoyed the odd funny picture here and there.
For now. I need a little rest, with Alex’s 21st tomorrow & dinner out once more on Sunday. I want to feel a little more like Sophie. Not the present throbbing zombie.
It’s back to the Alpro and protein! It’s been endless carbs and sugars for almost 4 days.. and boy can I tell!
I have had none of the energy I’ve put in go to me. My fatigue and pain through heighten symptoms as left me zombified.
It will be extra yoghurts over cereals with refined sugars for a few days so my batteries are able to recharge a little and we will see if my symptoms improve or differ to those I have currently.
Nothing is ever straight forward.
For the future, Michelle is still very eager to meet, although she said it will most likely have to be a meeting held in London with her busy schedule she can’t be far from Government and well Garstang isn’t a two minute walk away.
I am definitely willing to make the trip.
For Ben, he too wants and hopes to meet up again in the near future to discuss Government and health developments.
Hopefully more exciting opportunities for February.
I hope you all have had a successful and blessed week.