In the past year especially I have been unable to answer where home is for me. Is it at my Mum and Dad’s, is it my old house, is it my new one.
I have simply adapted to the surroundings I find myself in. Which at times take some time. When I lived alone I would hate and not even consider coming to my Mum’s for tea. Why? The unrest of getting everything together, all my ingredients and so forth was too much for me to handle. I find it very difficult to get comfortable without my home comforts. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to come for tea but I spend my life exhausted and if I can limit stress I choose to.
Now it’s the opposite way around. It’s moving into a new home. Which I adore and look forward to spending many years there but it’s shown me that although I love my home ( whichever one I spend my most time in ). My health often leads me to be uprooted and that’s something I have to come to terms with.
When I was swimming I was away almost every weekend. All over the place and it didn’t bother me. It wasn’t hard to access food, the beds were fine and extra padding didn’t matter. It was simple. I enjoyed being away from home. Maybe that’s one of the reasons I became so passionate about travelling because it was a slice of my swimming life.
At first I never ever wanted to be home. Home filled me with guilt and I felt trapped with only limited resources surrounding me. The cities I travelled to had everything within their finger tips. Opportunities around every corner. Not here, not in a small village town. I was and used to be top of my game and successful and that still is my goal to be successful in whatever I put my heart into. I just didn’t think home held the key. I thought it was another cage..
Over time and with health struggles becoming ever more present. I was forced to stop trying to physically cross seas and reach the world outside my door which meant engaging with real people. As I’d learnt through my travels, people are key. They are where the real secrets and lessons lie. Although it’s fabulous to go and travel half away across the world to meet people we are lucky that in today’s world we can do it through social media, letters, emails, talking and so forth. We can engage with the world and with people at anytime. These people are the building blocks to our development.
I get upset that I am unable to enjoy travelling as I used to and really hope I can get back to it.
But I’ve never given up, never given up hope. I’ve been cheeky and emailed people high up but spoken to them like they are already my pal. My strength and no filter approach has allowed my walls to come down and with that I have managed to reach the wider world in the comfort of my own home.
I have realised that home is where the heart is and wherever the heart, is where I call home.
A house is a beautiful structure, made with love and joy. At the end of the day. It’s the memories made with the people that walk through the door that matters. Homes change all the time, people are unique and you can’t replace them as you can structure buildings.
I’ve found it hard to except many losses in life. Believing they came to suddenly before I had, had the time to get my head around them and grieve them privately before they were exposed and my grieve was too great to hide.
I’ve had to adapt and learn in many ways.
With talk of a possible winter home somewhere in the sun for the winter months so I don’t have to go through what I am currently going through, may be a good idea.
I am not good physically at the moment and mentally it’s hard. Everyday seems so much more difficult.
I look back on my life a year ago.
Getting geared up to go to Cuba. It’s a year on the 10th March (today) since I first went to my professor and where my real battle began.
I was so excited. I hadn’t travelled in a few months and was ready to learn in a place I’d waited years to go to. Little did I see the hurt, pain and GOD awful experiences that lay ahead for me. A trip of a lifetime was plagued with starvation, illness, pain and the nervousness of my results from Armin. Cuba was where my food reactions got worse. For the first time I was getting chest pains where I felt if I fell asleep, I may not wake up. My throat was constantly swollen and my professor believes on the 10 day trip I caught an 3 air-born diseases alone.
My health being pushed to the blink, forced me to yet again put my hobbies and what brought me joy to the side. For anyone this could have caused them to give up. For me it opened another door. It wasn’t an easy door. I ran the full obstacle course. It helped me make new friends, value family and friends far more than I ever did, connect with people, realise my goal to help as many people as I can and to keep fighting. With every cage I felt I was trapped in lay feathers of precious warriors who despite their cage had left their mark for me ( others ) to find and learn from.
Home then didn’t seem to be a cage, it was a barrier in some ways but also a base to grow and develop from. I thought it was where I was that mattered. Maybe we don’t actually need flashy cities or a million and one opportunities. We create our own opportunities and goals.
When I finally stopped looking at travel websites on a daily basis, I realised I was coming to terms with this hard fact. When my Mum told me about the family holiday in June my first reaction was panic. Normally it would be YES let’s add another week! Panic.. it upset me to why I felt panic. This year has been hard and a very hard learning curb. My health is held in the balance. When holiday time comes I’ll be excited and will love every minute. My Mum always used to question why I’d come round looking half dead and not refreshed before going away. Never realising how much strength and how physically exhausted packing had made me. This year through all the pain has forced us to learn more and be more open minded.
We can’t just box of ideas or dismiss them. I hate life at times and depsite all the rubbish pain, I am thankful to it for the lessons I have been forced to learn. I may not be a top class lawyer on millions, or travelling the world but I’ve felt real pain, had to find inner strength, faced my fears, practiced gratitude and learnt the true values of life.
We have to make the best of the cards we are dealt. I truly hope I can inspire others and make people proud of how I have played mine after being thrown in the deep end.
We can have more than one home. I am proof of that. I have here ( my Mum and Dad’s) because they have my most loved people here, my old home will always hold much sadness, it kept me warm on some of my darkest days and my new home - which will nurture me, bring me memories and be the next chapter of my story.
Everyday we fight on.
Feeling sluggish and rubbish when you have woken up? Get boosting up on bananas the more the better - they will help settle your stomach, boosting digestion, they are a mood enhancer, they will give you the energy you need and keep you full. Buy my book for banana receipe ideas.
Wake up every morning and ATLEAST have one glass of lemon water before doing anything else! Ideally try to drink a litre of water. The lemon wakes up your digestive system ready for the day and has great cleansing properties.
Check your dairy and meat intake - dairy can sit in your system for up to seven days unable to digest properly. Meaning other foods also get neglected and nurtients aren't absorbed properly and you feel extremely bloated. Go and smell your food bin, your stomach will be in that state. Rotting foods in your belly - hmm nice.
DO NOT FEAR CARBS - THEY ARE NOT THE ENEMY! CARB UP!!
Bananas, Rice, Potatoes, Leafy Greens, Corn, Beans, Lentils etc PACK THEM IN GO MAD.
NEVER COUNT CALORIES - NEVER RESTRICT!! These restriction 'starvation' diets who tell you to only eat 500 calories a day then have a treat day - where you binge out and eat WAY too much, is simply messing up your metabolism and on your binge days yours body stores all the fat meaning you gain weight because it knows it is going to go back into starvation mode and needs to hold onto every little thing it can. HELLO WEIGHT GAIN.
Life is too short not to live it to the full, making yourself happy.