My mood is being pushed to the brim.
Has this week being productive ? I don’t know what counts as productive anymore. It seems getting out of bed, sitting and eating is being productive.
I tried broad beans last night, they were recommended as being a really high protein source. I enjoyed them but they weren’t kind on me. Serious stomach pains kept me up all night and made this morning very hard. I felt weak, drained and sick.
We then have the fun of the shower - luckily Mama is always on standby. Which helps. I hate days like today. How they hell so I get through them? I don’t know.
I am struggling immensely at the moment but it’s helped getting sorted our fundraising event. It’s made this less than productive week, a little more purposeful.
Leaving the home has been a challenge this week, yet being at home has been a challenge too. You feel alone and the reality of your struggle is highlighted.
Many things have happened in a short space of time that has led me to really have to dig deep and be strong. The emotional strength I’ve had to find is draining me all around, without the physical pain on top.
As days go on my quality of life seems to be tested evermore. I live for people & excitement but when you can’t take part in the little pleasures of life then you are left questioning - what are we living for?
Its hard to adapt, hard to find peace and hard to watch. Watch people live.
I guess I should just be grateful. I need to learn and accept the losses. Getting over them ever harder.
Seriously? I have zero idea how I face the world everyday. I don’t but somehow I find a way.
Somehow I always find a way. The scars never fully heal though and the wounds keep weeping no matter how many plasters we put on them. They are forever falling off or being ripped off.
Hopefully in time things will work out. I lose faith sometimes.
I just keep my head down, swallow my tears and act professionally to hide my personal pain.
We pray for better times. We pray for the pain to fade and the sun to shine.