Life is a mystery, when we think we have solved all the clues we are led down another garden path.
There is never a right or a wrong way it seems.
You can play by all the rules, follow the path paved out for you but still fall victim to hurt and disappointment and alternatively you can be risky, challenging and reckless and pay a heavy price for the few short cuts you tried to take.
So if there is no right or wrong.. why do we all search for the answers?
I’m often told that the answers find us, when we are least expecting them. I think this is true, yet I can’t snap out of my inbuilt habit of the need to please and do the right thing for myself and others.
Last nights party was super lovely, a room full of love, friendship and celebration. It is so important to have as many days like this as possible because we are often wrapped up in troubles, problems and negative vibes. We forget the good pleasures and why we fight for life. Nights like last night highlight what we live for but also that we are not alone.
In our troubles or in our successes. The people we choose to surround ourselves with build the jigsaw that becomes our lives. Without them, our lives would be dull, we would know what we were fighting for or even how to fight.
We share advise, share our troubles, spread love and friendship. It’s the key to life. The vital pill, to sanity.
I know many eyes were on me last night, what was I wearing? How was I talking? What was I eating? Normally I would be paranoid, last night I didn’t have the energy to be worried what others thought or think. As the night before people told me I looked and seemed better, probably wondering why am I still not cured?
I made such an effort to look fresh and party ready but the reality was that lovely clothes that glammed me up were hiding unglamorous rashes. My joints were purple and reddish, my skin pale and well battered. I felt sick to my stomach and tired. Thank god it wasn’t a summer party. As I could still get away with th excuse to wear dressy trousers. The troubles of chronic illness!!! Always unpredictable. Yet as per, I want to be normal, so enjoy a drink ( nothing overboard ) and one of my weaknesses CHIPS! I couldn’t sit there with no food!
A. People would ask why I wasn’t eating and judge.
B. I don’t have the flipping will power to resist them!!!!
So ultimately my desire for a happy soul caused an unhappy throat, stomach and body.
Was it the right thing to do?
Probably not.. but what would have been the right thing to do at this point?
I love throwing party’s. We all know that.
Do I really need the stress?
No, I don’t need the stress but I do need the people. The people who bring me so much joy, the people who I make memories with. It’s so rewarding seeing everyone enjoy themselves, meeting new people and catching up with long lost friends.
That’s my dose of medicine and one that I get truly high from.
It wipes me out emotionally, physically and mentally for a week after but I never learn my lesson and think that it is worth the aftermath to spend quality time with my friends and family. My illness is very isolating and straining, there isn’t many normal pleasures I can enjoy anymore.
Now it’s a given..
The question simply is, when’s the next party?!
I love any calendar 📆 event and will make a gathering out of anything but trying to spice it up and make it interesting is often challenging.
My close friends and family know how important events are and how important it is to me for them to be a part of these celebrations with them.
So watch this space.
Let’s make memories, laugh through the tears, make moments for life and most importantly spend our precious time with the people who are our gems, our rocks, our true friends and main support systems because they are the people you want flashing back at you when you take a look back at a snapshot of your life.
Life’s a mystery. So are you. But that’s what makes the ride worthwhile.
I’ll leave my footprints 👣 in the sand..