A physical, emotional and mental heaven we want to wrap ourselves in.
How can we achieve this dream in a world so full of hurt and chaos.
There is no special bubble wrap or a fragile badge to stick on our skin to protect us.
There is nobody or anything that can save us..
We search high, low, near and far for the grass that we dream about - the greener grass.
We choose to play safe and sometimes choose to take risks in hope that we can sway the winds.. turn the tides.
We search for answers in the dark woods with no road signs.
We are bombarded with ideals that we are made to believe are what we should be doing and should be feeling.
We are becoming so emotionally numb that we now choose not to engage in emotional conversations and situtations out of sheer fear of causing or feeling more pain.
We see pain as bad. It’s far from pleasant but it can also be a positive. We grow stronger, we learn and we are forced to engage. Listen to ourselves.
We ignore our body’s, we disconnect from our feelings and we blur out emotions believing we are protecting ourselves and shielding ourselves from pain.. we obey and we follow a routine we believe is correct for us.
This often causing us more pain, rather than protection.
Chronic illness makes this way of life become one in which we can no longer follow.
We are forced to listen to our bodies because if we don’t it could have major consequences.
We are forced to accept emotional pain as we can’t run from the cold hard facts.
We are forced to work with chaos, unpredictable times and unreliability.
The choice to ignore and try to wrap ourselves up in bubble wrap is snapped out of our hands. We must learn the hard way, by experiencing the hurt and pain full on. We dive in head first. Often doing questionable acts and acts that may seem cold hearted. They aren’t meant in that way at all however, it’s just people can’t see the situtation through your eyes because they aren’t in your shoes.
So where is peace?
How do we find it?
We have to be truthful. Lying or hiding the truth does not protect you. It often leads to further pain.
We must swallow our pride and be an open book. So people can try to understand, people can relate and people can see the real you.
Acceptance. Acceptance and realising your barriers, boundaries and the clear cut facts is extremely difficult. But without acceptance you are unable to heal from the pain caused by the barriers, delaying the feeling of peace.
Realistic views and beliefs. We all love to dream, set standards, set goals and have our own personal beliefs. We must be wise and sensible however and know what are realistic and reliable over a little bit crazy and too much.
We can’t numb pain to find peace.
Using medications, alcohol or self punishing behaviours may relieve pain for a short space of time but when the pain returns it comes back stronger than ever. It’s seems the best method is to embrace the pain.
One thing I’ve learnt .. the hard way I must admit.
That time still goes on. Your world may feel like it’s falling apart. The world doesn’t stop turning for you and time doesn’t freeze so that you can pause the pain. Time goes on, the world keep on moving and so do you.
They say that good times have to come to an end.
In a way that’s true - good times do come to an end but that’s so we don’t get comfort and arrogant in peace. We must be pushed to grow and blossom, reach for higher heights of peace.
Over the years, I’ve developed so much as a person.
I used to be a push over that was treated poorly, bullied and taken advantage of because I didn’t know my own worth. I listened and believed in the people I loved too much. They left me when they had used me for their purpose. Now I know that actions speak louder than words and I have a big heart which gives 120 per cent no matter what others say. I would be the one they will kick themselves in time for mistreating and leaving.
I used to be shy and would never speak until I was spoken to. Fearful of people. Now I ask questions, I speak my voice and voice my opinions openly. I found my voice.
I used to ask basic questions but now with the pain and roller coaster medical ride I’ve been on and am still on. I ask emotional and personal questions many would be too fearful to ask.
I used to be scared of medical procedures and now I will do anything for relief even if in the short term it will cause more pain.
I used to hide my feelings and never speak about them. Now I am learning that it’s so important to express your feelings before you lose or hurt loved ones.
I thought swimming was my only calling in life. Now.. now I am always looking to grow and develop in other ways. I’ve embraced new hobbies and skills and have found the confidence to try new things.
I couldn’t have learnt these strong traits without experiencing the extra pain and for the glory days to draw to a close and a serious bump in the road to occur.
Maybe I only experience a few sunny days, rainbows and peace compared to the rain storms, thunder and lightening and frightening winds.
But the few sunny days are often worth the 300 rainy ones.
We can’t expect to spend our days comfortable and relaxed in the sun. We must find our purpose, fight battles, feel pain and ride the winding roads because that’s what makes life the interesting, complex mystery it is. It wouldn’t be worth living if it was an easy, predictable and we all knew our path and end result.
Have I found peace with the lessons I’ve learnt?
No. I haven’t.
Time keeps moving, I am engaged in battles and have many more to come.
We learn on the job and we never stop learning but knowledge is power and the more we have the stronger we are to face up the hurdles being placed infront of us and stalling our ‘peaceful’ finish line. So they are easier to jump over.
What does peace mean to me?
Being a peace to me, is a state of calm and satisfaction.
The satisfaction may not be ultimate success or reaching my overall goals but it’s a state where I knew and know I gave my all (200 per cent ), I was open, I loved more that I deemed possible and I gave passion.
It’s a frame of mind where you know you followed your own life ethos to the best of your ability.
That’s something many people can’t say they succeeded in.
Peace isn’t about greener grass or opening the heaven gates. It’s about being yourself in a chaotic world that makes it their mission to make you a sheep, cold hearted, emotionally absent and a slave to expections.
We must surround ourselves with the people, things and pleasures that make us happy.
They are key.
Their love and joy proves that peace does indeed exist.
This is your life.
Not their’s. You can listen to advice, stories and wise words but you are in the driving seat. Deep down you know what is right and what’s wrong and often what’s right is a more challenging and painful route but one that far outweighs the short cuts in the long run.
You will be rewarded.
You are you, nobody else can be you.
We must find peace in our inner souls.