This week has been an unexplained mixture of emotions.
In many ways and areas of my life.
I have begun to realise over the last few weeks that often I place barriers in places I believe society expects of me. Which aren’t really what makes me happy. I have a constant fear of hurting people and so place hurdles and warning signs in the way believing this is the right thing to do.
There is never a right answer however, whatever direction we choose or answer we decide on, there are pros and cons. Consequences good and bad.
I’ve spent many years, myself in the state of ignorance towards my body, health and loved ones. I have locked people out and created a bubble of happy go lucky for the world to see. As explained yesterday - I’ve reached a point of realising I have to be more open with the world, forget the mask in a way for people to understand and relate. This should be the same frame of mind across the board. We may not be living the life we chose, it may not be playing out as we planned but we only have one shot. We can’t live with the constant cloud ofwhat if’s hanging over us.
I am so fearful of hurting people but by keeping people at arms length I have caused more hurt, for me and for them. This week I realised I had to put myself on the line. Realise what would make me happy. The experiences, people and circumstances that really matter will understand and no barriers will stop them.
We grieve for the loss of many things through our lives. From people to career losses.
It’s very easy to become angry with the world, why?! Why. Grieving is a part of the healing process but then we reach a point we must choose, to be positive or to be negative. Negative with you becoming angry and moaning about these losses or focus on the positives, that they have shaped you into the person you are today, they made you stronger, you get it your all. Focusing on the littler positives helps you heal.
For years I mourned my swimming career, a career in my eyes cut short. I was angry. So mad! Like with my Lyme disease, why me? How have a sinned? I have followed the rules of life and being a good human being.
Instead of seeing pain, injury, failure and loss.
We have to think of all the friends made, the people we met, the stories we can tell, the experiences we had, the strength we gained the discipline that sets us up for life.
There are many.
It’s a cruel hard reality, but wrapped upside the chaos is a real gift.
I may not have become a swimmer because I needed to gain other skills and realise I was more than the label I had become to others - ‘the swimmer.’ Without early retirement I would have got into cooking or baking that has essentially led to two books and aided my in my Lyme journey.
Having Lyme disease is hell, but battling everyday has given me strength you can’t get in any other way. I have met some amazing, inspiring and true hero’s that I am now lucky enough to call my friends. It helps me everyday develop as a person and understand others so I can help and relate to them.
Failed relationships have left me heart broken, hurt and lost but I gave my all and was always open. My heart has helped me override personal pain and realise that short term pain can lead to long term personal peace. Accepting relationship status’ is also a vital tool because it means the relationship itself has a lot stronger foundation.
Only experience can bring these treasures.
They weren’t my ideal, far from it but they are me.
They made me, me. I was faced with decisions and circumstances I never believed were possible.
As long as I practise gratitude, share my heart and make chooses that will help me grow is the way to keep life purposeful. They may not always work out but sometimes as Monroe would say:
‘ Something’s have to fall apart so that better things can fall together.’
We can’t shield ourselves or others from pain, sadness and upset.
So forget the shields and just put yourself on the line. The rewards are far greater and the opportunities are far better when we break down the barriers and really begin to understand and accept life- for the good, the bad, the tears and the joy.
We all have our fair share of all the emotions.
Share you heart, open your soul and realise that no health, career or life barriers will step in the way of what is meant to be as they won’t matter to the people that truly care.
Feeling sluggish and rubbish when you have woken up? Get boosting up on bananas the more the better - they will help settle your stomach, boosting digestion, they are a mood enhancer, they will give you the energy you need and keep you full. Buy my book for banana receipe ideas.
Wake up every morning and ATLEAST have one glass of lemon water before doing anything else! Ideally try to drink a litre of water. The lemon wakes up your digestive system ready for the day and has great cleansing properties.
Check your dairy and meat intake - dairy can sit in your system for up to seven days unable to digest properly. Meaning other foods also get neglected and nurtients aren't absorbed properly and you feel extremely bloated. Go and smell your food bin, your stomach will be in that state. Rotting foods in your belly - hmm nice.
DO NOT FEAR CARBS - THEY ARE NOT THE ENEMY! CARB UP!!
Bananas, Rice, Potatoes, Leafy Greens, Corn, Beans, Lentils etc PACK THEM IN GO MAD.
NEVER COUNT CALORIES - NEVER RESTRICT!! These restriction 'starvation' diets who tell you to only eat 500 calories a day then have a treat day - where you binge out and eat WAY too much, is simply messing up your metabolism and on your binge days yours body stores all the fat meaning you gain weight because it knows it is going to go back into starvation mode and needs to hold onto every little thing it can. HELLO WEIGHT GAIN.
Life is too short not to live it to the full, making yourself happy.