Judgements, they take over our minds and even our lives in lots of different ways.
You see- you will always get the critics and at first from a very early age I believed that you could please everyone. I went out of my way to ensure other people's happiness came before my own and so this led to myself becoming unhappy. I am not saying that you should just please yourself and ignore others. Not at all. It is just a two way street. So many who suffer with chronic illness, over-compensate for their declining health. Pushing themselves to go out, buying expensive gifts, including people and so forth when really we don't get much back because people are too focused on their own lives. We need to do that more. Over time, no matter what I do whether it is right or wrong, I have to cut myself some slack. I don't do anything out of cruelty or selfishness, I always do everything out of kindness. That doesn't always mean it is the right choice but I let my heart led the way and help me with my decisions.
We all have to face consequences too, no options or decisions comes consequence free and that is also difficult to accept.
We will always feel hurt, disappointment and upset someone but we have to make sure that we ourselves are taking care of ourselves. We can only save ourselves. So, if someone is upset you cancelled plans on them but it meant you didn't have to sit three hours in pain wishing you were laid down and instead kept warm, pain under control and chilled out at home. Then the latter was the right decision. If loved ones, friends and people in general are understanding and true supports they will understand and try and work with you. Maybe suggesting that they will come and visit you in your own home, or making the event shorter to sway you in attending.
Many people roll down the one way street and expect all the cars to disappear on the sides of the roads so they can race ahead. They don't stop to consider themselves swerving or stopping to allow other cars to move or have the opportunity to jump on the road too. This is half the problem.
Work with people who understand and appreciate the two way road.
You can't just give, give, give and them take, take, take. If they do, they aren't worth your time and energies.
Back to judgements - I have faced many over my time. MANY. At times, I have sat and cried, never knowing how the hell I was going to prove people wrong or show them they really didn't understand me. Many felt I just sat on my computer, typing my feelings onto a page and hoping someone would read it. Some thought I didn't work a 9-5 so was simply sat at home 24/7 watching Netflix. I was also worried and the judgements upset me because I knew deep down how flipping hard life was. Juggling illness, looking to the outside world like I was functioning young lady and 'lying' really about my real feelings and pain. You begin to blame yourself for you disadvantages and weaknesses. You hide yourself for the world because you don't know how to hide or even explain to fight your corner against such harsh critics.
NOW, I have realised as some of my work has been coming to light and my heath struggles, that the more people understand I understand that judgements are across the board. I am beginning to realise that I can transform my weaknesses into strengths and the critical judgements that I had faced before were beginning to come at me from different angles, despite the clear changes. This is when I realised that I was never, ever going to please everyone but that my work and my determination to keep working on my projects without really much experience, made me feel more complete. Being proactive helps me keep a positive mind which is VITAL for a happy life.
I am not saying I have reached the Holy Grail or found the 'gold' over the rainbow. I have simply realised that it doesn't matter if my blog gets 2 reader or 2000 readers. I blog because I enjoy it, it helps me in my healing journey and the thought I could be helping others, heals some of my scars as I help heal theirs. Despite this, I will always have people who are better, more experienced and more skilled than I am at this. That's good, I have people to look up to and work up to. I can gain inspiration and motivation from them to keep growing and pushing myself. Shooting straight to the top is never the best idea anyway, if you lack competition then you become lazy and choice not to keep pushing yourself.
I began my blog from scratch, zero following, zero hits and so on. I didn't know what to write at first and often don't most days to this date. I am not an organised blogger, nor do I script my speeches like Booby Kennedy never scripted his speeches. I think its just better to write about what is current. Whether that's treatment stories, experiences, research, thoughts and feelings, help and advice. The subjects that are entertaining your mind and in your heart will always create better pieces of work. I am not a preacher where by I preach the way I live my life, take treatment on or run Sophantastic. I just do me.
People will always love and hate. No matter what, so why should I stop blogging if someone tells me my blog isn't helpful. I may not be one person's cup of tea but it could really help thousands relate and find comfort.
Don't let judgements cloud your own judgements, dreams and goals.
I covered relationships yesterday and I just wanted to raise this point because it is a subject that rips my heart apart. I have lost loved ones - we all know that. I have not been immune to heartache in a romantic sense and a friendship sense. Meeting new people and even considering new relationships is a tough matter and subject for people to talk about. For me, I used to try to act like I was happy-go lucky, flexible and an outgoing person. Trying SO very hard to avoid the subject topic of illness. Nobody wants to be tied down with illness in their 20s. NOBODY.
My 'distraction' of the topic often led to people walking away and hurting me. At first being so invested and then realising my life isn't one they want to be involved in. It was crushing but I was partly to blame for the bus hitting me and running me over. I didn't take the pre-cautions of the zebra crossings or was truly open. What can I expect?
Now... I STILL have zerrrrrrro body confidence but I am very open about my illness. Of course, my diagnosis last year has helped me understand myself health better so I can explain to others but also my campaign work and blog, having to be so open, real and raw and having so much support, love and kind words from you everyday is SLOWLY making me realise that it is the best way to be and the people who really matter, care and are worth my time WILL see past my illness. It doesn't mean I don't worry or feel embarrassed when meeting new people or even long-distance friends I go years without seeing because I don't want them to hate the person I have become and the body my illness has given me.
Judgements - they will always be there. I can't and you can't stop them. Use them in a productive manner however and they could be a seriously great weapon.
For the ones who slate and doubt your business, prove you are worthy of your successes and celebrate your skills which have brought you your victories so far.
For the ones who will tell you that you are 'faking' your illness, raise above them and don't entertain them or their harsh words. Simply take it that they are uneducated and don't understand.
For the ones who tell you that you are ugly, remember our outer shells change, but inner beauty is forever. Keep a kind heart and your beauty will be timeless.
For the ones who tell you that your work isn't 'work' because you aren't earning X amount. Saving lives, improving lives, helping people and protecting them is PRICELESS.
We are above all the judgements, we must be kind to ourselves and do what our hearts scream out for. The people who know, love and support you, will continue to support you no matter what. They are the people we have to keep around us, dose ourselves up on their love and we must remember this is own life, we only get one shot so we best keep ourselves happy, motivated and determined.