So, we are finally here. After weeks of counting down and the hours of preparation.
I guess emotions really did get to me last night.
We were delayed at the airport flying out. Thank god for airport assistance because I could not have handled the queues, standing up, lifting and so on.
Once on the plane the next challenge was faced. The dreaded head pressure. Maybe I should be thankful for my recent bad head pain because it prepared me for this moment. Like many of the times my only way to deal with these kind of situtations is basically shut my eyes and think of nice things. My head pressure was far too strong to really focus on anything - films and magazines. I flicked through the pages to look a the pictures and get the main story headlines but my pain was far too strong for anything more.
You always think when you are coming down you are out of the woods.i don’t know who told me this. But they are wrong. I suffer far more. You just want to be down. Once down - you have been in panic mode for so long that you feel sick to your stomach.
So the taxi 🚕 became my recharge ride before unpacking and arriving at Hillside.
Once here I was faced with the he hard facts for so long I’ve tried to ignore. It was the dreaded bikini time, time to wear summer clothes, long Hot walks, uneven ground and of course the food.
Entering the food hall, with everything you could ever begin to imagine. You would have everything you can’t. I did. I can’t help myself — always in little bits but never recognising the pain I am putting myself in, in the long run.
It then all hits you.
It won’t be the same as it was on our last visit 4 years ago.
My health has declined dramatically since then. People have come and gone and are no longer a part of our lives and I can’t do what I used too.
Of course four years ago there were plenty of warning signs we all ignored.
I never went in the pool because it was always too cold for me.
I was always at the docotors for antibiotics for water infections.
I always felt sick and unwell after eating.
I couldn’t walk or climb the stairs as well.
I tired far faster.
I don’t know why but you always think that everything will be different.
Maybe I thought by coming here I could rewind to the body and health I used to have. I know this seems so very silly. I think when you feel so sick you really do hang on to a miracle.
We forget that we create the miracle.
I should know never to look back only forward.
I got upset because here I am alone, my brother extremely happy and I am so happy for him but my life in many respects is a mess. Nothing is straightforward. Always overthought and organised.
I have lost and gained people.
I forget the obvious. I am here. Here. Right here in the moment. It may not be the same circumstance as many my age but I am here and have lots to look forward to in life.
We long for those days to come.
For now, we have to allow ourselves to cry and mourn. Sometimes expectations do become a little foggy. The most important lesson is to make the best of the cards dealt to you. Then move on. Good times have to lie ahead. Who knows what fate has in store.
We dream.. day dream and night dream - for the same overall dream to be reached.
Feeling sluggish and rubbish when you have woken up? Get boosting up on bananas the more the better - they will help settle your stomach, boosting digestion, they are a mood enhancer, they will give you the energy you need and keep you full. Buy my book for banana receipe ideas.
Wake up every morning and ATLEAST have one glass of lemon water before doing anything else! Ideally try to drink a litre of water. The lemon wakes up your digestive system ready for the day and has great cleansing properties.
Check your dairy and meat intake - dairy can sit in your system for up to seven days unable to digest properly. Meaning other foods also get neglected and nurtients aren't absorbed properly and you feel extremely bloated. Go and smell your food bin, your stomach will be in that state. Rotting foods in your belly - hmm nice.
DO NOT FEAR CARBS - THEY ARE NOT THE ENEMY! CARB UP!!
Bananas, Rice, Potatoes, Leafy Greens, Corn, Beans, Lentils etc PACK THEM IN GO MAD.
NEVER COUNT CALORIES - NEVER RESTRICT!! These restriction 'starvation' diets who tell you to only eat 500 calories a day then have a treat day - where you binge out and eat WAY too much, is simply messing up your metabolism and on your binge days yours body stores all the fat meaning you gain weight because it knows it is going to go back into starvation mode and needs to hold onto every little thing it can. HELLO WEIGHT GAIN.
Life is too short not to live it to the full, making yourself happy.