We always continue to learn and not only is being here a time of relaxation and peace but also it’s a massive learning curve. I haven’t written much since being here.
There are a few reasons why.
Of course the first fews days are settling in days. Hillside is the Wardy’s second home. We, still after four years just need a hot minute to find our feet, unpack and dip our feet in the pool.
The other reason is I’ve found the last few days tough. Tougher than I had imagined. Ever. The full moon of course hasn’t been helpful. I’ve had lots of symptoms flare up but also emotionally it has been a rough wake up call. I’ve been excited for this holiday for so long but the vision of it all were pre-Lyme diagnosis and despite being poorly before coming I think I thought Hillside would be the magic spell to make all the wrong’s - right. I would magically be able to tolerate foods, the sun, the late party nights and on forth. How wrong I was.. realising this really was a bullet to my heart.
I’ve not tolerated very much, well.
The first days were a mixture of depression from pain and shattered dreams and the loss of energy. I didn’t have the emotional, physical or mental strength to understand my feelings and circumstances, let alone write about them.
I was lucky that my sadness has been healed by my amazing news of being shortlisted & some media work for the coming few days. It reminded me my pain and journey were not a waste or all completely bad. Not ALL dreams were lost.
I took a look at the surrounding all around me. The mixture of landscape and people have taught me many lessions already.
I admit and I am guilty of wanting more . I have not taken a moment to practise gratitude. Like I know I should.
I look around and see the thousands of trees and forestry , with the hotel right in the middle of all the trees. The trees almost showing the wild and the hotel being the paradise. Hillside I have built their hotel and paradise from nothing. It’s far from perfect and there will be many things people would change and the owners would do differently but it really is paradise to so many visitors and reoccurring customers. This is how we must view life and our situtations.
The wild surrounds us.. there isn’t a ‘church in the wild’ like Kayne West and Jay-Z tell us in their song. It’s up to us to make our own luck, dreams and happiness. We must build the paradise in the middle. We will never be out of the woods but we can create our own paradise within it. We learn from the wild, adapt and appreciate it.
This paradise is only a paradise because as I’ve written like so many in the reviews - the people make it great. We make memories, we cherish, we share laughter, joy and happiness.
I used to always panic when we would be packing up to go home that I’ve never feel happiness, chilled out of more a peace on leaving. I never believed we could find a sanctuary like this again and we never knew when we may return.
We have the power to create our own paradise and heaven within the wild wherever we are.
We build our castles ( our homes ) , we have family and loved ones who surround us and we enjoy hobbies and much more.
Not one place nor does one person have the answer or holds the key. We can’t go looking for paradise, heaven or that one person to give us the gift of happiness and contentment. We create it ourselves, wherever we choose. It’s not a destination but a journey.
Lots have changed since we were last here four years ago. I have seen the the world, met wonderful, wise people and felt pain beyond belief. I have suffered great heartache, shed buckets of tears and faced so many fears.
I get upset and mad when I can’t seem to find the energy to stay out later than 11pm. I used to party until 4am seven years ago!!
It seems another life, another world. It upsets me but then I have to look and consider at how much more rewarding my life is now. All I have accomplished and that now 11pm works best for me. It has to be that way for me to get the best out of my time.
The girl seven years ago was lost, and trying to find purpose. I had an amazing time don’t get me wrong but going to bed at 4am over 11pm wasn’t the key to happiness. I was battling even back then with understanding what the hell was going on with my body. I pushed myself to be normal because I didn’t know any different.
We are far from normal and never will be normal. So why do we get so upset over not following what we see as ‘normal’.
Only we hold the key to our happiness.
We hold the pen that writes our stories and we make life what we want it to be.
A positive mindset - is the colour explosion everyone needs in their lives. Figuring out answers to our thousand and one questions is just the start.