The word just causes me anxiety. I spend my life trying to pace but I don’t have the best relationship with pacing. Often ruling out my health problems and beating myself up, because I can’t go 1000 miles an hour, 24/7.
I am young, look fine- so why?
If only it was that simple.
It’s Lytham Festival tomorrow and we are there all five nights. We all know me by now- a late night out for me is 10pm. So the anxiety of coping is in full flow. I know when I get there I will love and enjoy every second and will manage it all.
I guess holiday and coming back in many ways has knocked me off a little. I felt tired, achy and sickly and generally ( not really Sophie.)
You may think, but you are fine? Still doing your tasks, going out and committing to plans. Of course I am- that’s why I am so bad at pacing.
I value life so much.
Life and myself aren’t always the best of friends but I want to be the best friends possible. Using the little, unknown length of time to my advantage. Treating time as a precious gift and not wasting it. So of course, when work commitments, social events and general day to day plans come along you want to take them on despite how you feel.
I think pacing is also difficult because so many of us see our circumstances change, health decline that we realise that we never know when things may not be the same, quite as simple or in some cases even possible. So we push ourselves to make the most of the things we can still do.
Ten years ago I would never of dreamt of going out to an Italian and eating plain boiled rice over a pizza or pasta dish. At the time it’s just a given. A menu full of yummy foods - you pick what you fancy, not what you have to eat just so you have something to eat.
I never expected to be reluctant to agree to social events and events that are longer than a couple of hours.
I never believed when I past my driving test 7 years ago at the age of 17 that in a few years I wouldn’t medically be allowed to get myself around and drive.
That is the issue - we expect. We except so much and often way more than we should. We don’t look further down the line either - just the here and now.
I believe illness changes how we see life and everything in it.
Change is like a wave, one big wave and all is so different, and you haven’t even blinked.
I’ve realised that through all areas of my life.
Friendships, work and careers, events, relationships.
We have ideals in our heads that we hold on to and never give them any breathing room.
Slowly put surely, after some upsetting lessons and some would say mistakes. I am learning that we can’t always put all our eggs in one basket and pacing is the same. We can’t afford to give all our (limited energies) to one particular task, event and so on. Like we would advise people not to solely depend on one person or one company.
Our energy, like our love, time and kindness are limited and special. It doesn’t deserve to be wasted or used and abused.
We must learn to be flexible and open minded to protect ourselves but also help us to be more satisfied and happier people. We then learn to appreciate people, times, events and life! We don’t come away disappointed with our ideals crushed and hearts aches. We see the blips as tests and challenges. The building blocks to bigger things rather than painful failures we can’t move on from and get over.
Pacing isn’t many people’s best friend. Life moves to fast for it to be and change makes it very hard to become comfortful with pacing.
But it is important to work at it, and try to get the balance right. Once we have the balance right our lives becomes far happier and far more relaxed.
The happiest people in the world aren’t the most successful, richest or have 1,000 friends. They are often the people who life has thrown them a hell of a lot of challenges, which they have learnt from and grown from. They learn more about themselves, life and practise more gratitude. They understand change and are far more appreciative of everything.
That’s where we should be working towards.
Not having it all.
Reallly we all already have it all, we got the gift of life.
But using our time wisely doesn’t mean a whirlwind going 100 miles per hour. But appreciating every moment, seeing time as a gift and being around the people we adore ( even if it’s just for an hour instead of five).
If you are soaking up every moment and doing things for you - we have almost nailed it.