Grab a copy of the LANCASHIRE EVENING POST today to read all about me being shortlisted for the Campaigner Of The Year Award at the European Diversity Awards in November.
PAGE 6 - take a read.
If you missed the Victoria Derbyshire show last week on mesh repairs you can still watch via this link:
I don't think we ever feel READY, when it comes to a trip. I certainly never do. I always overthink and over panic. My symptoms are so unpredictable and erratic that I can't plan for everything.
I try to pack early on, so then I am sorted and I can just rest in the days leading up to actually leaving because I know how much it zaps me packing and then the travelling.
Being SO organised however can mean that I feel, less ready. Doubting what I have packed! Repacking because I have forgotten, adding and taking things out.. leading to emotional and physical exhaustion.
I always get that stomach drop when I reach the airport and panic kicks in that I could possibly left something behind that I will really need. Of course often I have, but I forget that the majority of the time I can just grab what I have forgot on the trip. There are always shops to pick up little bits and pieces. Somehow even knowing this fact doesn't lighten the emotional panic and stress. I am a worrier - guilty as charged.
With chronic illness, any chronic illness we can't help BUT overthink things. Travelling to many is just a normal day, not tiring in the slightest. It is a 'day off', resting on a plane, what more can you ask for?
For us, the heavy bags, the long days, the standing around, the waiting, the not having access to essentials ( chargers, medicines and so on) is very worrying and stressful. Every time I try to really plan ahead carefully but often or not something goes wrong. Whether it's too many liquids in my bag because I have packed my throat spray in-case of any food reactions or Amazon fire tablet flashing up in security for some unknown reason and you have the risk of it being thrown away but you just wanted it to watch some films and keep your mind busy.
Luckily shorter flights means I can handle two hours just been zoned out with some music for a while, it is not like 4-5 hours. I can't handle not being busy for too long.
All these factors though, seem - silly but take a great amount of emotional and physical.
I think I feel so dizzy this morning, with my mind whirling - never knowing what to expect but maybe that is key to it all. I used to plan everything out, worry and dream about things that I hoped would happen. This only left me feeling lost and disappointed when they didn't play out as I had of wanted. This year has opened my eyes in so many ways... so much has happened that I would never have DREAMED would have happened and my gosh have they been far more enjoyable, uplifting and satisfying. I have managed to enjoy experiences far more.
So, YES. I have packed. Probably too much and I have probably forgotten key things. I have left my mind open-minded. I have been so focused on the here and now that I haven't given my mind time to entertain thoughts and expectations.
I should have learnt this lessons four years ago. On the East coast study tour. I was reluctant to go, not knowing or understanding the trip. I had no expectations or ides and I had the BEST trip... I am not saying it was plain sailing. There is and will always be hiccups, we know that - it is life but it opened so many doors for me, I found an interest, passion and hobby.
This year I could have let ill health beat me but I have used it as a strength, not a weakness. I didn't plan out how to get up and fight through the tough days, I let fate lead. I recognised signs and became proactive. I acted on ideas and dreams rather than siting and waiting for a miracle.
I always hoped everything would go smoothly, everything would fall into place. Wrongs would somehow become right. It is not reality. We are all broken, shattered pieces of glass and those pieces marry up to make something beautiful. Our war wounds and scars are what prove we are warriors. We can't compare ourselves to ours because we are our own people. We experience different things, enjoy different things and have different weaknesses and strengths. All so unique. There isn't a right way. We make every day, every experience, every adventure the memory they become because of how we wrote the story and that is why a positive mindset is so key. Even the darkest of stories can have some laughter thrown in and some exciting twists.
DANCE IN THE RAIN, comes to mind.
So for now.. I will try to keep you updated and write on the move. No doubt lots of poetry inspired by the places I go. I can never say, I won't blog but it is like a dose of medicine. It offers me a place to be 'me' and be okay about being me, a place I share my story to inspire others and through that inspiration I gain the strength and motivation to keep chasing dreams.
My love always,