How is it FRIDAY already? The weeks just fly by. It is unbelievable. I am so glad I got myself organised for Christmas because I would not have been able to keep up, let's be far it is a struggle anyway. Christmas and especially December is a manic time. With health wearing me down and the manic schedule adding to the cocktail -- I am not sure what is really keeping me going at the moment.
In many ways my stubborn heart. Every night this week I had laid in bed the night before and thought about cancelling the following evenings' plans or not going out. This isn't because I am Miss anti-social, I love the opportunity to go out, go to events and so forth because in the end I do enjoy myself and that is why I always push myself to go, no matter what my mind and body may be telling me. The hard part is the pacing, I tire quickly and keeping up the pace of the craziness is another ball game, when its event after event, night after night. I am coping, just but there are times I just need to simply cry. The pain does get unbearable and you become frustrated at life. You work hard to keep yourself motivated, planning things for the future to keep you inspired on the dark days and a crazy schedule in hope you can sound out the pain. It isn't always healthy but it is my main coping mechanism. For me, healing and helping others heals me personally and it makes my pain justified and a little more acceptable. I know you have to feel the pain to fully understand it and if I can take anyone's pain away, even if it adds to my own - I will.
I know a famous quote I always quote to everyone because I live by it, 'Organisation is the key to success.' It is don't get me wrong, but I always try to be organised so my family's birthday gifts, Christmas presents are ready to go when needed in case for some reason I miss the event, the day and so on. I also do it to try and take some stress away from my life. Balancing life and any chronic illness is a tough task without the added extras on top. I don't preach the way I live and in many ways I probably add more stress to the pile but it's just simply the way I handle things. I try to be positive, I get my act together and pull myself together when needed but I am aware of the reality and try to work and accept it in the best way possible.
So never be alarmed when you get birthday or Christmas presents weeks before the event - I haven't got it wrong, I am simply just being Sophie and ensuring you have your gift in time.
It isn't just the gifts that makes the festive season busy however, it's family celebrations, work do's, friend meet-up's that all come all at once. You don't want to let anyone down but it is difficult. I often get upset feeling a little trapped, everything I do has to be thought out, pre-arranged because of my pacing, finding lifts and health on the day. I can't go with the flow. You can't just drive home when I am ready or do EVERYTHING even when you want to do everything. I am lucky, I know I am. I have a supportive family and friends and I am lucky to be more 'housebound' than 'bedbound' and of course I am truly grateful for that. I just always 'purposely' forget that I battle with chronic illness and expect more from myself.
I know I have been busy recently which is great. I have kept busy to keep my sanity. I have worked hard throughout the year to be a positive role model for all who battle a chronic illness, that we DO deserve life, can chase and achieve our dreams and more importantly we can make a life for ourselves. It is so easy to give up but so hard to piece together a jigsaw with missing pieces and make the best of a tricky hand of cards. Just because I have got out there and done so much doesn't mean my health doesn't suffer, I am aware of this and often try to hide how bad things become, through embarrassment and fear of letting others down. I am open and honest about my journey to prove that, all is far from plain sailing and everyday is a battle.
What I want the clear message to be is, that all we have is now. If we give 120 per cent to everything we do then we can't ask more of ourselves. If people remember me for my crazy ideas, wild dreams, stubborn but kind heart then I hope I have set an infectious trend.
So enjoy the festive season and remember to pace ( I know I am NOT the perfect example of this) however all my body and mind's warning alarm's are going off.
Cherish every moment, with everyone who supports and cares for you around and don't stop scribbling ideas and goals down for the future. I know that this weekend for sure will be working on 2019's ideas to keep myself pumped and motivated.
Thank you always for your support.
A special shout-out must go to my wonderful co-presenter Simon Field, for another FUN Friday. Thank you SO MUCH for my amazing Christmas present that was SO personal, with all names of people I love, work with, charities, events, and so much more. It has made my week and will always be a constant reminder of dreams, people and moments have made up this amazing year. Very blessed thank you!
You Tube's have their subscribers plaque's proudly on their wall and I have the amazing people, charities, events and memories that matter most to me on mine! THANK YOU, so thoughtful.
Another great show, with key moments that happened on this day in history and I surprised everyone in the studio this afternoon with my dairy-free chocolates. EVERYONE was dead impressed how much it tasted like normal chocolate and I think I managed to sway some opinions. So a job well done, and just proof that ANYONE can access good treats from so many stores this Christmas no matter what allergy, intolerance you have, there is such a great range.
Thank you Logan, Simon, Geoff and Chloe for trying and giving your feedback.
Thank you for another fun, filled week. Your amazing support keeps me motivated and fighting.