WOW, how is it the end of May?
This month has flown by. It has been manic busy but it really has been memorable. Thank you for all being a massive part of the journey. I won't lie at the start of the year I worried, I wanted to make 25 memorable and sparkle but my health was unpredictable and difficult to cope with. It still very much is. Days are harder, nights are longer but somehow we are just managing to keep afloat. When you go through the wars (literally) you learn so much more about life and what it all really means. I could simply give up, I am tired and some days you do think, 'What's the point?' BUT that is the point, there is always a purpose and you just have to search for it. I had set out my goals and what I wanted to do. There have been blips in the road and added extras that have surprised me but I think its very important to keep focus. You will always go through tougher days, bad patches and face some set backs - that is life. It is the positive, fighter mind set and the willingness to never give up that keeps the sun rising. You value life, your family, dreams and friends more than the doom and gloom of pain. It has taken from your life so much that you refuse to allow it to keep beating you. We all still have days where we just cry, we are in too much pain to move, our minds are foggy and we really can't do a lot. We feel like a vegetable and wonder why we continue to fight. When we push ourselves out of our comfort zones, take little steps and get to see, enjoy and experience life those little wins are the light that get us through the dark days.
It is important in helping keep focus to have events, trips and work planned. These push us to get up, inspire us to keep working because we have commitments to keep.
I am guilty of crashing and burning towards the end of this month. There has been so much going on and with the full moon, I was thrown off. I have been extremely stressed wanting to keep on top of demand and I can feel myself slipping and holding on for dear life. As the quiet, homebound days scare me. They are a trap to me. It is when the symptoms and the realities REALLY hit home. I am a realist, understand and accept my situation but then again it is the ghost that haunts me and I do try and push away the scary reality. I want to enjoy life as much as possible. I always see it as I have woken up today, I can't waste it. Sometimes we need rest days but I get that guilty feeling that creeps back in. I am not doing enough, I am lazy, what am I doing in life? It is a black hole. It is easy to allow the darkness to taint your dreams, goals and mindset as you slow down, so does your body and that scares me. I don't want my body packing in on me even though I KNOW I am pushing it to the limits and it is tired and struggling. Sometimes the physical pain is easier to deal with than the mental pain because the mental pain really does finish me off. So, I RUN from it and try to suppress any darkness and negative energies.
Chronic illness of any sort is hard to manage. Everyday is unpredictable, our life is as unpredictable as our bodies. We bring people close, lose people and push people away. We cancel, move plans or don't plan at all. We aren't the best people to be around, rarely the life and soul of the party. Half the time we don't even make it as far as the party. We try to keep our hearts as kind as possible because that is the only thing our illness can't taint or affect. We feel deeper & are emotionally affected by guilt, negative energies and thoughts far greater. We exercise our kind heart by fighting not just for ourselves but for our loved ones, society and future generations. We understand there is so much pain and suffering in the world and we just want to try and heal that pain because we know how hard it is to feel and live with pain.
I think the topics have talked about today are important to discuss. People see what is being done here, achieved, pictures and podcasts and think you are fine, what is all the fuss about?
It is hard to manage all my projects, on top of life and health. It isn't easy and it isn't always sunshine and roses. I love my projects, they are my life lines and keep me focused. I am only human and I am doing as much as I physically can. Even today I felt that I would be unable to write a blog. My mind is foggy, my stomach is extremely bad but here we are. Hopefully it isn't all a jumbled mess and you are able to take something positive from this blog post.
I feel like I used to come on here, share my thoughts and feeling everyday but now it is a little scattered. However, I hope you are enjoying he PODCAST?! I AM LOVING this venture and have lots of amazing goals for the channel. Thank you SO much for all the love and support. If you are loving the podcast please leave a five star review on APPLE PODCAST to help more people find Chronic But Iconic and enjoy the content.
To finish, PAIN and chronic illness is a nightmare but please don't allow the darkness to defeat you. Don't allow it to stop you living life and chasing your dreams. Don't lose focus or heart. I am so grateful and thankful for all the amazing experiences and opportunity that I have been blessed with. They are the light that keeps me going. Thank you. We have to believe the pain is all worth it. We aren't victims we have been placed on this path for a reason and we have to make the most of it. We don't want to live with guilt and regrets. Our work does mean a lot and we have to remember that too, we are leaving our mark on the world.
Please let me know if you have enjoyed this month's content, the adventures and if you want to see anything in particular, please let me know!
We have many more dreams and goals to reach! Keep enjoying CHRONIC BUT ICONIC on Anchor Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Apple Podcasts, Spotify.
Love always, Sophie xoxo