Updated: Jan 12
It's been a while since I wrote, it is a while since I have sat down & have taken a moment to think things through. Having a moment to decode my own thoughts and feelings & write in a way that may help others.
We all know life is a journey, a tough journey but still a journey.
It is a mystery & although we ALL want to have the answers, we have to come to terms with the fact that 99 per cent of the time we DON'T have the answers.
If 2020 taught us anything it was to be present, to be grateful no matter what & cherish the small pleasures & treasures in life.
We build life up to be this grand theater show. That is how the media portrays 'successful.' We are surrounded by what we 'should be doing,' 'should be following', 'could be doing.' We lose ourselves within the madness & the fog. We feel disappointed because we expect MORE & MORE.
2020 was the year for EVERYTHING... The 'get up & go' year to chase your dreams & take on adventures.
Instead it was the year of fear, the year of unknowns, slowing down & inner healing.
Many would say that 2020 was a waste, a disappointment & a let down. Deep down I feel the opposite. Yes, it wasn't the year I had planned. When has any year truly gone to plan.. NEVER. I have been through enough in my life to know this.
I needed to change up my mindset.
It wasn't the year of outward adventures.
It was the year to begin understanding & going back to basics. Understanding the true meaning of life. The true lessons. The real reason we are here.
I have carried huge weights of guilt for many years, MANY years.. Guilt I took blame for that when you look at the bigger picture I shouldn't have been punishing myself for, because I wasn't guilty of them at all. So many of you are the same. I know. I understand. I get it.
It was uncomfortable, it felt & still feels alien in some ways to LET GO. Lose the self punishment mindset & replace that mindset with a far more understanding & caring outlook.
When you let go, the fog & mist that for years has clouded your vision begins to clear. A path begins to clear.
Road signs & directions you have never seen on you map begin to appear & you feel EXCITED not scared to go & investigate them.
You no-longer get PANICKED by not following the path of others, or a path you believed you should be on. You begin to surrender ( which for control-freaks & overthinker's like myself IS TOUGH. ) You feel more confident in your choices as you begin to rediscover yourself. You can clearly look back & see the dead weights & know they are toxic to your journey. You surrender to the universe as you begin to understand what you can & simply can't control. You begin to make peace with what you can't control in order to achieve a better sense of inner peace. As you rightly deserve.
The people in our lives also enable us to let go & begin paving our own path with their love, support, kindness & commitment. It is true what they say that it is so important to surround yourself with the right people.
You grow with them, you learn with them & from them..
Birthday's are so important to me, they have been for so long.
I was guilty of feeling like they needed to be grand.. not because of what you think though. BUT because I just wanted ONE day where I could 'take the day off', have permission to have fun, celebrate myself, do things for me without guilt, silence my brain for a moment & not be in a constant battle with myself. I would cling to this day, I never wanted it to be over. I didn't want the guilt cycle to once again kick start for another 365 days. That would always haunt me. You then have to sit back & think who made this silly rule up for me? Who said that there was only one day you could give yourself a break. Make yourself a priority. I was guilty of making that rule for myself. It is easy to fall into this mindset & cycle when you have past traumas in careers & life. We feel responsible for the traumas so punish ourselves day in, day out for me.
It is easy to stay in this cycle..