Advice on re-building your castle.
We all feel lost, we all have those times when we feel empty, like our whole world is crashing down around us. Wondering.. where do we go from here?
We have all heard the devastating news about Caroline Flack, which is truly heart-breaking but just proves the castle on the outside doesn't mean the Queen inside feels like she is sat on her throne. She may feel like she is walking the plank.
It reminds me of how used to use my house - as a space of isolation, hibernation. I loved my house yet really it was full of negative energies. It was a space I spent many times crying in. Painting on brave smiles before facing the judgemental world. I am lucky that I now spend a lot of time at my parents house. It stops me from fully closing off from the world. I still have to engage, so I have to be raw and open. It makes me address issue rather than trying to shut away and locking them up. Bottling them up, lying to yourself and not checking in properly is so unhealthy.
But we don't realise at the time..
So when it all feels like the world is closing in on us and it is take, take, take.
How do we take back our crown and sit proudly on our throne?
- Explore your passions - begin exercising the things you enjoy in life. This is super duper important. You have to add joy into your life. You can't just expect it to come in. We all have SOMETHING that brings us joy. Write down a list and get to work in incorporating them into your EVERY DAY life.
-Reach out to friends and family: the people that truly love you, will never judge you but talking helps in so many ways and I am sure you would be surprised the amount of support your loved ones can give you.
-Be raw: Being open, real and honest doesn't just lift a weight off your shoulders but it helps your supports understand the issues a lot better so they are able to help in more ways.
- Make changes: look at your life, make a mind-map. With what is pulling you down and then your dreams and goals. Then on the back write down methods of cutting /changing the negative things in your life and action plans to achieve your goals.
-Become more social: THIS IS THE HARDEST thing in the world when your confident levels are at an all time low and you fear judgements but believe me ( from my personal journey ) the more you show your face, the more you push yourself the more comfortable you become, your confidence builds, people respect for your strength and they begin to questions the judgements they may have made and in their mind take back their cruel words. Be how can you even begin to do this?
1. Call on a friend. Don't go alone, have a strong support with you!
2. Add a time scale - so you aren't over-doing it. Do an amount of time you are comfortable with (15mins, 30 mins, and hour an so on) work up.
3. Have a secret get out word that the party you are with understand in case all is getting too much.
4. Start with small events: casual meet ups, a brunch date, afternoon tea and then build up to evening meals, parties, gatherings. BIG events can be overwhelming for most of us.
5. Dress in a way you feel most comfortable. Look in the mirror before you leave the house and say ONE positive word about yourself. Keep it in your mind for the whole event, repeating it.
-Commit to 30 minutes of self-development a day: whether this is in the form of a podcast, YouTube or books. Some great podcasts to check out: The Good Life Project, Optimal Living Daily, School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. I struggled with self-development but I am realising how key it really is. I didn't feel worthy of working and improving myself but it is KEY.
-Believe in manifestation: remind yourself daily of what you are working towards and why! You can cover your walls and mirrors with goal reminders if you feel it would help.
-Find balance in life: Planning is key, keep a diary. Make sure every day has a balance: work, socialising, down time ( time for mindfulness), chill out time. Be strict with yourself, set time limits to help you gain a balance. REMEMBER you do deserve down time and 'ME' time.
-Start up mindful activities: yoga, photography, adult colouring, drawing, painting, writing etc. Anything that calms you but feeds your soul.
-Journal your thoughts and feelings everyday in the morning at the end of the time log the actions you took to improve them. Example: I woke up unmotivated with a migraine. Actions: I got up, got dressed, answered 20 emails & messages, wrote a blog BUT I did some adult colouring and made brunch arrangements with friends for the next day. And how you are feeling after!
-Log 3 things you are grateful EVERY DAY: we can always bounce back when we are grateful, WHY? Because we realise how precious the gift of today is and how much good there is in the world.
- Log your progression: If self-development has helped you say YES to 3 social events instead of just 1, log this success to look back out and celebrate.
-Before you leave the house say 3 positive words about yourself: Just to give yourself that confident boost to face the world. It isn't being big headed or arrogant.. it is confident building . When we lose ourselves, we feel like we have lost our identity . We have to remind ourselves of what make us- US!
Nothing is ever a quick fix, it takes a lot of time and energy but it is possible to rebuild the castle, far stronger and more grand than it ever was before. Just reach out.. Please drop me a message if you are feeling at a loss, confused, empty and down. I fully understand. I have been there.. Believe me - more times than I like to admit and the darkness is one of MY BIGGEST fears and I work SO HARD every day to avoid sinking into the quick sand. So, believe me I can relate and I will always help in anyway I can.
My messages are ALWAYS OPEN.
I hope you have found this post, useful and helpful.
YOU SHINE BRIGHT THIS WEEK,
YOU DESERVE IT, FIND YOU CROWN AND WEAR IT WITH PRIDE.